March 29,2024
In 2017 I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, did significantly alter my lifestyle using the nine factors in the book RADICAL REMISSION. Over 3 months there was no increase in the PSA and but no sign of remission so had Brachytherapy and external beam radiation treatment which seems to have solved that cancer. Sometime around the beginning of 2020 and definitely by 2021 my health was going down significantly with no diagnosis until a year ago now. Instead of just a needle biopsy they removed the lymph node and found Hogkin’s lymphoma that was later changed to Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Continued lifestyle change and R-CHOP chemo and a PET scan on November 1st could not find any more cancer. The medi-port was removed in early December and then mid December I started having flashbacks, mild PTSD. In looking back, seems as though I had never gone through the grieving process because I was so happy having the cancer diagnosis. At least it wasn’t Duchenne muscular dystrophy or Parkinson’s disease. Yes there is more to cancer treatment than just the physical/chemical/radiation procedures. So now working on the emotional impact.
That said, life is absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful. Especially when I look at my grandson. At age 5 his parents were told he had Duchenne muscular dystrophy and the prognosis would be live to 20 as all the muscles deteriorate away. I am very close to my younger son, Nick’s father, but Nick’s mother didn’t want me to get too involved for fear I would mislead Nick with my love of trains. I babysat Nick from time to time, stayed up with his progress and visited him on regular basis. As much as I wanted to provide help I was quite helpless and still am in many ways other than letting Nick know he is a valuable person. I remember one time when his dad came to visit and he was still in the car with his mom because they were still involved in a counseling session. It’s been very difficult for me to stand back not be able to have some sort of say/help for Nick. But what I got out of this I see now is how just standing back, giving value as a person. At the same time he is giving me how to face an ever deteriorating reality, at least deteriorating in the way we see life. In mind he is totally there but his body is not supporting that. He was 18 in June and has graduated from high school. He “walked” for his graduation via his motorized wheelchair to receive his diploma. He is doing a wonderful job in showing me how to appreciate what we do have, not what we don’t have, even as his body declines. I share this with you because I imagine there are many of you out there who, like me, can see the glass half full, not half empty.